your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
