There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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