i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
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Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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