I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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