nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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