On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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