her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
