You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
