i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
