the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Randomize
