Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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