At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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