my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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