i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
