so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
