Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
