I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
