Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
im holly from the hills drunk
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
