Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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