I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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