So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
