I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
