Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
