This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
All I want is dick and wine.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
