Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
