Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
