before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
