He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
