There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
