Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
