"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
