i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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