Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
