and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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