I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
