i wish my penis had a tongue
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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