you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
