sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
