He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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