did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
