I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
