im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
