Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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