Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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