My liver just broke up with me...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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