The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
