The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
