It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
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I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
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i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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