I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
