the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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