I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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