I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
