he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
