I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
