i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you traded sex for a burrito?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
