You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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