Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
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as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
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You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
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