I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
