so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
