hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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