Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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