He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Randomize
