If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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