I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
