man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I need water and some morals
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
