i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
