I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
