and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
