So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
