i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
