Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
