I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
