just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I love having hate sex.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
