the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
