I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Couch. On fire.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
