Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
