6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
barbara walters just said penis...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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